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Haunted house fruit machine Armagh

Fancy a kebab? Or a brush. Seriously classy first release from Jaye, who's come up with a superb combination of a darkened main play area and "proper" lamps. Why do you think Andy never gets up off the couch? Terrific game with superb sound and music. Erm, yeah, sorry about that. Clone of Cash Attack. Not much, because I've already played Interceptor to death and I loathe mute releases. Gary's first class layout can't save this one from oblivion. From a technical perspective, Harvey's come up with a marvellous classic layout which mirrors the appearance of the real machine with clinical precision, although there are hopes for a DX in the future. Not as pretty as Moe's; fuzzy reel symbols, poorer definition and clarity on the main board, and the "Meet the Mob" mystery awards don't look the part either. Re-released as sound ROMs are now available. Jones also responsible for Haunted House has done the business once more with a fine classic layout, and as with Haunted House, it's well designed, chunky and colourful. It's alright though. Dean surpasses himself with a marvellous DX, his best work yet. So there you have it, a fine layout for a bland clone of a bland original - although I hear that some people actually think Ooh Ahh Dracula is a good game. Reasons to get excited? Better than sex? Anyway, the links are a bit all over the place at the moment, hopefully Pook will get everything up at the magnificent DX'Cellent in due course. And you can play "spot the stolen sample" too like they paid for Al Pacino and Samuel L. Yamaha sound chip. What this meant, of course, was an awful lot of dead as dead can be CPs across the land, which proceeded to fleece any average punter who was unfortunate enough to approach with a few spare coins jangling in their pocket. First impressions suggest it might be a typical "soft 'n fun" Empire machine, but wins and features aren't nearly as regular as one would expect at 30p play it often takes seven or eight pounds to get a sniff of anything and the feature is positively dire four mysteries on the trot before it kills you off? It's locked. Colourful and workmanlike - does the job. I don't know what was happening over at Empire towers when they conjured up this little bastard I always feel bad about slating Empire's machines because they're the super-coolest fruit machine company in the world , but we'll quietly drop Bangers 'n Cash into the same big dustbin as The Jackpot Is Not Enough and say no more about it There is a bit of a plus side in all of this though, D. It's decorating fatigue, and the evil fumes from the gloss low odour my fucking bellend and turpentine have addled my mind a bit too. None, unless you get a hard-on for Flo and her anal rolling pin poundings. Infinitely better, although infinitely quieter too, as this is a Yamaha sound chip machine. Honest, such a time did exist. The sound and music are superb, albeit rather bizarre, Roman dance tunes with the lyric "Caesar on the dance floor" Some may find it all a touch too brutal - but for those who like fruities to be feisty and in your face, there's precious little that's better.{/INSERTKEYS}{/PARAGRAPH} You'd try and get off with Moe's DX first, but if that wasn't possible you'd try it on with this, the layout equivalent of the fat ugly girl no one seems to be talking to. Who can say? It's not even better than waking up in the middle of the night when you're staying at a friend's house and realising you've had a wet dream, let alone sex. Hardcore gambling game from Empire. Their next release will be "The Crackwhore". Wash your hands first though. MFB's graphical work is, as ever, of the highest quality, Kev's done the DXing and Harvey's done something that deserves "special thanks" according to the layout, but I don't know what that something is. In fact, I might make a start on getting the covings painted fiddliest job on earth - gah. Thoroughly absorbing Barcrest from the early 90s, many ideas seen here survive to this day. Tip-top entertainment back from when Barcrest knew how to make machines fun. If you deliberately push it way under percentage it goes on a spectacularly over the top streak although you only get back about as much as you put in. There's no excuse whatsoever for this sort of thing. Horses for courses then, really. Unfeasibly horrible chase-em-up from Empire. Only to be played by those who smell of stale piss. But at least it's quick, like a frenzied wank in the work toilets. It's unlocked too, so extra points for that. Everything's a bit on the titchy side though. That said, it'd probably have very low self-esteem, so you'd be in with a decent chance of getting your oats. Of course not, but the combination of Dean's snazzy layout and an entertaining game makes Road Hog 2 the ideal way to unwind after a period of vigorous sexual activity. Cash Attack is spiffing, so this is too. Thus began the great rechip crusades, L-2, L-3, L-4 and L-5 all proved unequal to the task, until ACE finally came up with L-6, a chip so tight that barcodes were all but permanently blocked and the machine was rendered effectively unplayable and some suspect to this day that it could never actually reach its target percentage. A splendid classic from Munsta and Wayfinder. I can't afford paint. Realising they had gone a step too far as the bricks crashed through their office windows , ACE rushed out L-7 the version emulated here , a compromise chip that apparently pleased no one. Gary shows he still knows how to play a blinder; terrific backdrop, all new reel symbols and a compact x layout size. Always was one of the best out there, and now it's even better. {PARAGRAPH}{INSERTKEYS}That said, the original was darned good fun so it's not all bad news. For my money this is the finest machine ACE have ever produced, and on its earlier chips it's arguably one of the single best "players" machines ever. Tarted up remix of Viva Espana boasting slightly more involved gameplay, better sound and music, and the duty free squares don't auto-collect when you land on them, so it's less irritating. Also unlocked, which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Off Yer Tits was better, and featured nicer drugs. My apologies for not uploading these files for download from this site, but I'm in the middle of an enforced major redecorating endeavour the result of a concerted campaign of bullying by my dearest wife and mother-in-law so time is at a premium, the sooner I finish filling and painting and varnishing the sooner I can start doing less hateful things with my time like trying to wedge tins of paint up my arse or make sense of the officially sanctioned madness and inanity that has taken root at MPU "Kindergarten" Forums. However, if you're prepared to look and play beyond that, there's still enough of original core CP experience to make this one of the finest machines currently emulated. Takes all sorts eh? An excellent DX from Dean, his best so far in fact. Quite sexy, but chances hindered by layout chastity belt. How much better than decorating? The sound and music are both excellent, so the game's actually worth playing now. L-7 does have a habit of playing a tight, nasty, anti-skill game - right up to the point when it gives you a laughably simple JP set up, it also has some truly awful dead patches, and you'll often see a tenner disappear with scarcely a nudge being offered. A professional update to Gary's original DX by Ickle Moi, losing all your money in an orgy of wanton gambling has never been so aesthetically pleasing. Extra thanks must go out to Gary for providing the sound ROMs Buccaneer was initially released without sound. Barcodes were not enthusiastically blocked, even when the machine was in desperate need of clawing a few quid back, and a skilful pro would relentlessly hammer away until the poor thing was squealing for mercy, there are unconfirmed reports that L-1 CPs would flash "PLEASE UNPLUG ME" up on the display when they were having a particularly hard time. Ostensibly there's not a huge amount going on, but the depth of play which emerges once you start to have a proper fiddle is quite astonishing. Jiggin' In The Riggin' was originally released, ooohhhh, ages ago - but it was mute as no sound ROMs were available at the time. Hardcore drinking game from Empire. Oh, it's got a blue alphanumeric though - so if that sort of thing gives you wood then this is the layout for you. A bit messy, but it is getting on a bit. Lo-tech drudgery of the granniest order. Not much changed from the last entry, unsurprisingly enough. A professional update to Gary's original DX by Ickle Moi, getting hammered has never been so aesthetically pleasing unless you find your own multi-coloured vomit to be a thing of beauty. Typically uncomplicated MDM fluff. Dunno, I'm too pissed. Good stuff. Depends on who it's with and where you are, I can envisage a certain set of circumstances where you'd be tempted to say "Sorry love, I can't be bothered, I'm off to play What's On instead, you can borrow my joystick if you want though". And will you be able to find your way to a bathroom and the blessed salvation of a toilet roll? We've got us a real talent there. There were a million different ways to tease out a barcode give or take a few , and in addition to that, CP's generous offer of a feature for every successful cash gamble coupled with the ability to make the feature offered "super" if the right number was showing on the cash gamble side added an extra dimension to the features. Bangers 'n Cash is a distressingly nasty piece of work from Empire. You're my best fucking mate, you are. Oh yes Why oh why oh why do coders allow this sort of thing to happen? Pros found it was still too tight on the barcode, and casual players found its barren patches and evil tendencies very off-putting, I however, think it's quite good The preferred way to set about this one assuming you're not already familiar with it is to find it all out for yourself; learn how to use the bonus at 4 to best effect, learn the reels or use JPeMu's handy "reel drag" feature , learn when to go for barcodes and when to stick to normal wins and try to get a decent feature or super feature, learn that it likes to let 'em spin on big wins and barcodes sometimes well, you don't need to learn that because I've just told you , learn when you can and can't push the gamble, remember that this generation of ACE and JPM machines aren't progressive like Barcrests are, and so on and so forth. This magnificent DX transforms a distinctly average game into something that's altogether much more entertaining. Because all the shit slides out of his slack arse and down his legs if he does, that's why.